(Audio Book version)
Gratitude – write down things we are grateful for. Recognition increases employee engagement. Need to celebrate accomplishments.
Addictions abound, statistically everyone is impacted directly/indirectly. Numbing takes both good and bad away.
Resentment related to lack of boundaries.
Instead of trying to numb, lean into, understand reason. It’s not what we do it, but why we do them.
Victim or viking mentality incorrect. Integration is the key, strong back soft front wild heart – be transparent, stay vulnerable and curious, not give into win/lose
Knower – being right (heavy armour) vs curious learner. Knower driven by shame. Focus on getting it right vs being right. Clear is kind.
Cynicism and sarcasm bad, (mask anger fear and feelings of dispair) hiding behind them, replace with kindness and hope. Essential not tor reward, clear, kind, hope instead
Open honest stimulates creativity. Criticism (nostalgia and invisible army)
invisible army “we” “many of us…” – when might not really have any backing
criticism shifts away from us and makes us feel safer, the inverse is making contributions and taking risk
Having power over someone is bad
Responsibility without authority leads to failure
Clarify what “done” looks like, you can “paint” done – discuss and clarify what it looks like
T – task
A – Accountability
S – (setup for) success – right tools/authority
C – checklist – what needs to be done
Shame – we feel we are never good enough, who do you think you are
fear of being irrelevant is a huge shame trigger
give a way out with dignity if need to let go someone (ie focus on the person first)
Fight shame with empathy.
Empathy – not about fixing, be with them to support. Its about connection.
Identify and name emotion, can help to frame what is happening. Could be misidentified or shown differently.
Sympathy is not empathy – it is feeling bad for someone not feel pain with them. Empathy feel with, sympathy feel for. (connection, disconnection). (feeling sorry for you etc is sympathy not empathy)
Flipping around and having to comfort someone else who expresses sympathy is not helpful. One-upping is not helpful either.
Self-kindness is self-empathy – we are tougher on ourselves than we would be with others
Getting feedback – just listen, something helpful, path to mastery. Don’t have to address it, but at least listen
Feedback culture. Don’t know people until you know their values
If boundaries are set, less negative assumption of people’s intent
Things work best when we assume everyone is doing the best they can.
Trust is required for an organization. It is a must-have. Give feedback about specific behaviours that are problematic not just general – plus give actionable strategies and plan.
Asking for help shows strength.
Being brave will result to falling or failing. Need to learn to embrace failure.
Reckoning, Rumble, revolution – walk into our story and own it so we can write the ending.
Recognize when we are emotionally hooked on something. Need to slow down and get curious about why
Stories we make up are “shitty first draft” often based on our fears and insecurities. Fear fills in the gaps (our own conspiracy theories) We can modify this sfd, instead of immediately acting on it.
Learn more about what is going on, what others are thinking and how we feel. To replace the blanks we filled with fear. Ie check hey it looks like xyz is that right?