Book Notes – How to win Friends & Influence people in the digital age – Carnegie

How to win Friends & Influence people in the digital age - book by Dale Carnegie
How to win Friends & Influence people in the digital age – book by Dale Carnegie

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain – these things only reduce relationships

People dread condemnation, leads to defensive stance and any further discussions are viewed negatively from the start.

Affirm what is good – it helps build confidence and growth. (not fake flattery, genuine items)

Need to connect with a core desire. Giving something they want in a mutually-beneficial package. Getting to know what others want/need is essential.

  • Take interest in other’s interest. People are self-interested, showing concern and interest (genuine) in others creates connections
  • Smiling, happiness increases positivity of interactions (even with emoticons)
  • Remember names, creates a better connection, don’t use nicknames or shortened names unless person asks, is introduced that way or signs e-mail with it.
  • Listen more – people want to be heard and understood, a small amount of time can lead to huge savings in understanding how to address problems/issues
  • Discuss what matters to the other person – other matters are likely to be ignored.
  • Leave others a little better – small opportunities can make the biggest difference, ignoring them for larger ones can be detrimental. We tend to focus too much on the big goal instead of small steps to get there
  • Avoid arguments – arguing is unproductive, both parties will just entrench and there will be no progress
  • Never say “You’re wrong” – it ends the chance at collaboration, there may be a misunderstanding, both parties may be right. Ask questions, consider situation from other perspective, show respect
  • Admit faults quickly – it can diffuse the situation, avoid anger and assumptions, helps come to a solution more quickly
  • Begin in a friendly way – Being friendly fosters friendly feelings. People are more keen to see things from your perspective
  • Access Affinity – We gravitate to those which we have commonalities, establishing this at the forefront starts the interaction on the right foot
  • Surrender the credit – credit won’t get you friends, giving credit makes others happy and feel valued. It does not matter who gets credit as long as it is beneficial to everyone.
  • Engage with empathy – understanding how the other feels in the situation
  • Appeal to noble motives – people are generally keen to be noble, want to be seen in good light
  • Share your Journey – the story or meaning can be more important to build connection. Having a common journey only strengthens the connection
  • Throw down a challenge – Competition can drive people
  • Begin on a positive note, acknowledge baggage, call out mistakes quietly, ask questions instead of giving direct orders, mitigate fault, magnify improvement, give others a fine reputation to live up to, stay connected on common ground,





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